The USA Warriors beat hockey media members in a shootout.
Tale of The Tape: Wilson vs. Ashton and Erskine vs. Orr
Tom Wilson: 6’4″, 210 lbs., 9 Career Regular Season NHL Fights
Carter Ashton: 6’3″, 215 lbs., 4 Career Regular Season NHL Fights
January 10, 2014. Verizon Center. 14:53 into the second period. Score tied 1-1
The Momma jokes went way too far.
Tom Wilson started it. He looked right over at Carter Ashton and said “Your momma so fat, she sat on an iPod and turned it into an iPad.” Ashton didn’t even crack a smile. He replied “Your momma blood type is Nutella.” Wilson thought that was kinda lame, and responded with “Your momma so fat, when she gets on an elevator, it has to go down.” Ashton followed up with “Yo momma so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, sorry, no professionals.” This angered Tom. Nobody talks about Tom’s mother that way, She’s a saint. So he decided to drop the gloves. And it was on.
Wilson quickly grabs a hold of Ashton’s collar, and sneaks in a few quick jabs. Wilson tries to land one with the right, but can’t get one in. Ashton sees his opportunity, and responds with three extremely quick jabs to Wilson’s face. Wilson appears to try to rip Ashton’s arm clean off, and falls to the ice, only to quickly get up. Wilson gets ahold of himself, and starts to manhandle Ashton with his man strength. Wilson throws him wherever he can land them, eventually taking Ashton to his knees. Wilson then pulls Ashton’s sweater over his head, and unloads. The refs stepped in to make sure that Wilson didn’t seriously harm Ashton, and the fight was over. Wilson headed to his penalty box, sporting a couple of bloody knuckles.
And….the winner is….in a unanimous decision…..TOM WILSON….nobody says that about Mrs. Wilson.
John Erskine: 6’4″, 220 lbs., 64 Career Regular Season NHL Fights
Colton Orr: 6’3″, 222 lbs., 119 Career Regular Season NHL Fights
January 10, 2014. Verizon Center. About 8 milliseconds after Wilson’s fight.
Colton Orr giggled at Wilson and Ashton’s yo momma exchange. Erskine hates giggling, so he fought him.
The two beasts just glared at each other, sizing each other up. It was at that moment that Orr realized he made a huge mistake. Orr grabs Erskine and tries to get in a quick right. This angers Erskine, who responds with two big rights of his own. Erskine has ahold of Orr’s collar, and gets a couple of little Erskine jabs in with his left. Orr swings a big right, but appears to miss. Erskine lands two BIG rights into Orr. Orr loses his helmet, and Erskine just pounds away with his right. Orr desperately tries to answer, but Erskine is angry at this point, and there is no stopping an angry Erskine. He gets Orr to duck away, but Orr is able to get in a couple of nice punches in. He is able to knock Erskine’s helmet off, but that only angers Erskine. He lands a big one right on Orr’s face, knocking him to the ground. Erskine rumbles his way to the penalty box after his knockout, where he gets greeted by his buddy Wilson.
And the winner is…by KO….JOHN ERSKINE….Nobody giggles in front of Erskine.