Tale of the Tape: Tom Wilson vs. Luke Schenn, John Erskine vs. Many

Posted March 5, 2014

Tom Wilson: 6’4″, 210 lbs., 12 Career NHL Regular Season Fights  fight graphic toe

Luke Schenn: 6′ 2″, 229 lbs., 27 Career NHL Regular Season Fights

March 5th, 2014.  Wells Fargo Center.  8:01 into the first period.  Caps down 2-0.


Wilson walked up to his newest teammate, Dustin Penner.

“Hi Dustin, welcome to the Washington Capitals,” he said.

Dustin looks down at Wilson (wait, is that possible?  Is it possible to look down at Wilson?  Pretend it is) and gives him a nice smile.

“Oh, thank you boy.  Can you grab my bags?  I have to head to the ice as soon as possible, I’m already a little late,” Penner bellowed.

Penner drops his bags in front of Wilson, who looks down at Penner’s flip-flopped feet.  Wilson looks back up and begins to speak, but he’s interrupted by Penner.

“Oh thanks little buddy.  I’ve been dying for a gatorade,” as Penner plucks Wilson’s gatorade right out of his hands.  “Would you like an autograph?”

Wilson walks away in disgust.  How has he not heard of me Wilson wonders?  Wilson figured it was just because Penner is a west coast guy, maybe he’s just never seen east coast hockey.

But it continued on and on.  Wilson went to go sit with Penner at lunch, and before he could sit down, Penner said “I’ll have a water and a cheeseburger please.  With lettuce and tomato, no ketchup,” and placed $5 in Wilson’s hand.  “That’s your tip,” Penner said with a smile.

Then Wilson went to go give Penner a high five before the game, and as he raised his hand, Penner threw his dirty, sweaty towel at him.  “Thanks towel boy.”

Wilson was determined to have the new guy notice him.  So when Wilson saw Luke Schenn hit his buddy Ryan Stoa, he looked Penner directly in the eyes, and screamed like King Leonidas “I AM TOM WILSON, PROTECTER OF ALL THINGS CAPITALS.”  And it was on.

But then he politely waited for Schenn to get back on his feet because deep down inside he is a respectable young man.  Luke Schenn’s younger brother Brayden skated over to his brother’s aid.  Wilson didn’t know which Schenn to attack, because while Luke was the one that deserved it, all Caps hate Brayden.  Ultimately, he chose Luke.  The two began to wrestle with one another, trying to get a hand free to start landing lethal blows.  Luke gets a couple of light ones in on Wilson’s head.  Wilson answers with a quick jab, but Luke quickly gets the upper hand, knocking Wilson to the ground with two big lefts.  It was a quick one.

And….the winner is….in a unanimous decision…..LUKE SCHENN….But Penner noticed you Wilson.

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John Erskine: 6’4″, 220 lbs., 75 Career NHL Regular Season Fights.

(It was Officially Vincent Lecavalier): 6’4″, 215 lbs., 24 Career NHL Regular Season Fights

March 5th, 2014.  Wells Fargo Center.  Pretty much the exact same time as the Wilson-Schenn Fight.  Caps down 2-0.

John Erskine made a bet that he could take three men on at once.  The Flyers laughed at him.  Erskine hates when people laugh at him, so he was ready to fight, and it was on.

In the video above, the Erskine fight in full starts around the 2:31 mark.  As Wayne Simmonds pushes Erskine in the back.  It was at that moment, that Erskine started to turn green with rage.  Realistically fearing that Erskine was literally about to turn into the Incredible Hulk as Erskine is attacking Lecavalier, Simmonds bravely jumps on Erskine’s back, and Brayden Schenn helps Simmonds and Lecavalier hold Erskine down.  Jay Beagle and Connor Carrick come to help him out, and Erskine breaks free and targets Lecavalier.  He lands the first two punches directly on Lecavalier.  Lacavalier gets in one good one.  But it takes more than one punch to take down Erskine.  Erskine gets Lacavalier to his knees and unloads.  Carrick in the background is adorably trying to hold Simmonds back, but Simmonds once again bravely holds Erskine’s neck so Lacavalier can get the last shot in.  And that ends the fight.

And…the winner is….wait!….There’s a disqualification!  John Erskine wins!  You can’t have two against one.