Happy Late Birthday to the Team’s Sack of Potatoes

Posted February 25, 2012

Photo by Alena Schwarz

As did the majority of Caps fans, we almost forgot poor Jeff Schultz‘s birthday. The lanky defenseman turned 26 today and got to celebrate a win. The guy’s only gotten to wear a Caps sweater 39 times and scored his first goal of the season Feb. 13 against San Jose. But here’s to moving forward and a good year for Double Nickel. Gift ideas for him:

1) Jolly Green Giant Bodysuit

It’s not exactly a mystery that Schultz isn’t the most physical guy on the team. However, one would expect that with his size, he’d be able to do SOME damage. Here he is in his true form.

2) Happy Face Sparkle Stickers

With all of his not-highlight-reel-worthy play, maybe Schultz just needs a bit more support. And thus the smiley face sticker system was born. For every good thing Schultz does, he should get a smiley face sticker. Maybe he can get special permission from the league to wear them on his helmet. Or maybe not.

3) “Is This a Sack of Potatoes”

As the description states, the book is about a young boy, Charlie, who is avoiding bedtime by hiding under the covers. The mother plays along and asks question about what could be under the blanket. “Could it be a sack of potatoes, a ton of tomatoes, a peck of pears, or a cave of talking bears?” With any luck, this book may help Schultz discover his identity.

4) Champion Sports 9-inch Colored Cones

Schultz has often been compared to a traffic cone. Well, here are his brethren in a bright assortment of colors.

5) Rockland Luggage Set

Everyone has been hoping for a Schultz trade. While that seems unlikely because of his large contract. However, if Mr. Nasty does get traded, this stylish red luggage set should help get his possessions to their new location.

6) A hug

While Schultz is obviously not the most liked player on the team, at the very least he deserves a hug on his birthday. Who knows, maybe the big guy just needs a little love and support and will return the favor by upping his game and winning the hearts of Caps fans everywhere. Maybe not, but a hug never hurts.