Brace Yourselves, Fans – “The Capital” Is Back!

Posted April 1, 2013

(Image Credit: NHL & Marvel Comics)

It’s been a rough year for Caps fans.  Playoff defeat, a lockout that threatened the entire season, three coaches in a year – you all know the song at this point.  But not to fear, because the NHL has heard your cries, and they’re sending someone to rescue you from the hockey doldrums.  Yes, that’s right – The NHL Guardian Project is back!

So, what can you expect from the newly resuscitated Guardian affiliated with Washington Capitals franchise?  The NHL is keeping a tight lid on the upcoming re-release, but here are the details that have been leaked so far.

At first glance, not much has changed.  The Capital is still part eagle and part man.  He has a sonic scream that can shatter the Verizon Center’s decibel meter, and will be making an appearance on the jumbotron during various TV Time Outs at upcoming home games.  In addition to his notable “Satellitic Sight” and “Atmospheric Shielding,” he’ll also be gaining Titanium Talons that tie into his raptor heritage.  There are rumours that he’ll be getting an AHL-inspired sidekick, but at the moment nothing concrete that we can pass along.

We’d like to tell you that The Capital is being played by Ryan Reynolds in an upcoming live-action movie, but that would be pure speculation at this point.  What is not speculation is the fact that as part of the upcoming publicity campaign, a statue of The Capital will soon be gracing the entrance to Kettler Capitals Iceplex.  The original plans were for the statue to be located near the F Street entrances for Verizon Center, but after the bru-ha-ha over the recently-approved signage the organization decided not to press their luck.

Is this another marketing ploy by a league attempting desperately to make up for lost revenue?  Possibly.  The first time it was released, the Guardian Project was an unfortunate mix of poor writing and an overly-targeted audience of non-hockey fans. Hopefully, this time around, we’ll actually get to have some fun with the Guardians.

In case there was any confusion, we’d like to clarify that this is, in fact, an April Fool’s Post.  At this time, the NHL has expressed no interest in re-activating the Guardian Project.  We’re sorry if we got your hopes up.