Tale of the Tape: Tom Wilson vs. Korbinian Holzer vs. Ref

Posted November 29, 2014

Tom Wilson: 6’4″, 210 lbs. 19 Career NHL Regular Season Fight.

Korbinian Holzer: 6’3″, 205 lbs. 1 Career NHL Regular Season Fight.

Nov. 29th, 2014. 17:02 into the third period. Caps down 6-2.

Tom Wilson skates out onto the ice, fury radiating from his massive body. His Caps weren’t doing very well, and when the Caps aren’t doing very well, Wilson takes it kind of personally.

Korbinian Holzer is giggling with delight out on the ice. He happens to not play for the Caps, and his Leafs are winning a game of hockey.

Wilson looks over at the giggling Holzer. Wilson looks him up and down. I could beat him up, Wilson thinks. The guys name is Korbinian. How can a guy with the name of Korbinian even fight? Who in their right mind names there kid Korbinian? Who goes through all the work of preparing for a child, goes through all the birthing process, looks down at their little bundle of joy and says ‘Korbinian, I shall name him Korbinian?”

Screw this guy, Wilson fought. I’m going to fight him. I could so take him on, and the four people back in DC that are still watching this game will be, like, so impressed with me.

But, he had to prepare his battle. Holzer had to give him a reason. And sure enough, Hozler shoved Wilson from behind. Then, he did it again. Then, again. And again. And that’s when Wilson decided that Holzer needed to pay for his mistake.

They came together against the boards and momentarily stared at each other in the eyes. Wilson’s eyes were filled with a blank, blank, maniacal stare. Holzer’s were filled with terror. Wilson jabbed him a few times in the face with his left fist. Then, Holzer ducked his head down, so Wilson began to fire away. Holzer gave his best effort to answer Wilson’s blows, but was only able to get one off before Wilson began to fire away again. Holzer falls down wussily, Wilson jumps on top to sneak a few more in. The two are pulled away from the refs. As they were getting up, Holzer desperately tries to throw a cheap shot, and instead cold clocks the ref right in the face. Classy.

And…the winner is….in a unanimous decision….TOM WILSON!