It was a busy week for the Capitals…well, actually, no it wasn’t....
Tom Wilson Vs. Mike Halmo
Tom Wilson: 6’4″, 210 lbs., 14 Career NHL Regular Season Fights
Mike Halmo: 5’10”, 197 lbs., 2 Career NHL Regular Season Fights
April 5th, 2014. Nassau Coliseum. 2:51 into the first period. All tied up 0-0.
Tom Wilson walked into the Nassau Coliseum, and walked right up to the foosball table.
“Hey Joel, want to play foosball?” Wilson asked.
Joel laughed. Joel doesn’t play foosball. He’s strictly all about hockey and the Baltimore Ravens.
Whatever, Wilson thought.
“Hey Chimmer, want to play foosball?
Jason Chimera ignored him. Chimera is only focused on hockey and regrowing his hair.
Wilson sat there alone. Who would challenge him?
That’s when Mike Halmo walked up. Halmo is the greatest foosball player on the Islanders, which is pretty bad, considering the Islanders are pretty bad at literally everything they do. Halmo challenged Wilson. And Wilson, being the bad dude that he is, accepted.
It wasn’t even close. Wilson destroyed him. And Halmo seeked his revenge against Wilson. So he challenged him to a fight. And it was on.
They hugged. It was super romantic. Each of them whispering sweet nothings into each others ear. Probably not sweet nothings. It was most likely things you would never say in front of your mother. But their mothers weren’t there, so they said it. Anyways, each started to slowly jab each other in the face. Not so politely. Wilson got the upper hand, and began to unleash slight blows. It would knock out the average man, but Halmo isn’t the average man. He’s a man that lost his foosball dignity. Wilson snuck in another punch, and they began to hug again. It was the most awkward romance you have ever seen. Wilson eventually gained the upper hand, pounding his face in with an upper cut. They proceeded to awkwardly hug again. Then Wilson gained the upper hand again, pounding away. Then BOOM! Wilson fired one final punch, knocking Halmo to the ground.
And….the winner is….in an unanimous decision….TOM WILSON….foolsball champion.