There is nothing else to say about this.
Karl Alzner’s Top 10 Tweets
Photo Illustration by Alena Schwarz
In memory of Karl Alzner‘s former Twitter account, here are the top 10 Karl Alzner Twitter moments:
10. The time Alzner correctly predicted the winner of the Kentucky Derby:
Leading up to the Kentucky Derby, Alzner tweeted:
After the Derby, once it was clear he had picked the winner, Alzner celebrated:
9. The time Alzner tweeted his Words With Friends username:
During last year’s offseason, Alzner got a little bored and decided to release his username to the public. Since then he’s received loads of invitations for games and is no longer bored.
8. The time Alzner changed his Twitter avatar to him golfing because it was the offseason:
It was around this time that we all learned that whatever Alzner wanted to do, he was going to do it. Upon asking him if he’d change his avatar back, he responded, “I like golf, and my avatar. Will not be changing until I take a good new picture. Probably golfing again. :) #mwahahaha”
7. The time Alzner dressed his dogs in bowties:
How does Alzner spend the offseason? Coming up with new wardrobe designs for his dogs. Along with the image, he tweeted, “Pups looking dapper!”
6. The time Alzner turned to Twitter to sell his truck:
Why bother paying for a classified ad when you’ve got thousands of followers you can advertise to?
5. The time Alzner got into a battle of “who’s the worst parker” with John Carlson:
One of the most understated best Alzner moments, but due to the deletion of his Twitter, there’s only half of the conversation available.
4. The time Alzner tried to make “A1″ happen but Andrew Gordon called him out:
In the 2010 pre-season, Alzner and Carlson had this fantastic idea to try and make the phrase “A1″ a thing. The definition, according to Alzner is, “A1 as in the best of the best. First letter in the alphabet and first number. Examples would be a ferrari, Mercedes e63.” However, that little endeavor was cut short after the defensive bffs’ teammates got tired of their constant “A1-ing.” A fake Matt Bradley Twitter account tweeted, “Worst part of a road trip? @johncarlson74 and @karlalzner arguing over seat ‘A1′ on the plane.” Then-teammate Gordon also turned to Twitter to call the two out on their new slang vocabulary.
Thus was the end of “A1.”
The tweet heard round the hockey world. This was the start of the end for Alzner.
2. The time Alzner deleted his Twitter account:
Yes, this moment is ranked No. 2. Not because it isn’t important, but because we’d like to end this on a happy note. So for now, here you are. The end of an era.
1. The time Alzner’s dogs made headlines everywhere because they trashed his apartment:
Yes, this is the most infamous Alzner tweet ever tweeted. By now everyone should know the story, so here’s that wonderful photo one last time.
And that concludes our countdown of the Top 10 Karl Alzner Twitter moments. So Karl, if you’re out there reading this, know that we still support you and hope you return to the Twitterverse soon to grace us with your flawless, one-of-a-kind, perfectly sassy tweets.