Once again, Karl Alzner uses the power of the mustache to have...
Eakin Is Legal! Or Is He?
“To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge.”
We also know that he was born sometime in late May 1991, most likely the 24th or the 25th.
Indeed Eakin will be turning 21, but depending on where he goes Thursday night to have his first legal (American) drink, he may be turned away. Bettman’s Bar may be jumping the gun in declaring that not only is his birthday on May 24, but that he somehow turned 21 on May 23. He would have to wait until at least midnight to get a beer at Club AHL, however, as the slick-backed stud is listed as a May 25 baby on their site (Editors note: The AHL fixed the error).*
Either way, Eakin is setting up to party and given the birthday, party hard. Considering his track record, it’ll be the one of the most destructive/funnest parties of the year.
The young center spent his last birthday in a moose helmet, if that’s any indicator. Also consider that sober he sacrifices his phone for his hat, opens his sunroof immediately after a car wash, and carts around his things is a giant pink demented puppy/lizard-decorated LoveSac.
So, what to do? With some help from the all-knowing Internet, we’ve got a few ideas.
If you don’t know what TheDirty.com is, then stay pure and keep not knowing. A short description would be that it’s dedicated to the lives of those who considered partying their major in college. That being said, for a 21st birthday party, it’s perfect.
(Spoiler alert: Nothing will follow this theme)
Cake: Fishing Vodka Cake
Eakin loves fishing and who doesn’t love theme cakes? If vodka cakes work the same as (my experiences with) rum cakes, then the baker will have to make a decision between taste and drunkability. Not sure how the flavor of icing mixes with the flavor of Grey Goose, but it puts a new twist on the definition of a chaser.
Drinks: Orange Creamsicle Cocktails
The Red Wonder loves orange food. Hopefully this doesn’t turn into a Mike Green situation, but it’s exceedingly appropriate. And magically delicious.
Gift: A Life Assistant
Eakin’s Twitter feed is entertaining not because he’s a witty Tweeter, but as mentioned above, he constantly finds himself in entertainingly compromising situations.
With the Caps paying him to stay healthy and for his personal welfare, someone needs to take care of the kid. Being a budding NHLer, the prospect of a girlfriend probably isn’t very high, so the chances of getting himself any guidance on his own anytime soon are low.
*An article from The Cranbrook Daily Townsman (as well as the AHL and other sources) says that Eakin’s birthday is on May 25, as he celebrated postgame with the Kootenay Ice last year following a Memorial Cup tournament win on May 24. Capitals Outsider has received verification from the Capitals organization that his birthday is May 24th.