29 is the new 6: Happy Birthday Wideman!

Posted March 20, 2012

"Wow, a new stick. That's...great."

Given his recent blocked shot luck, Dennis Wideman might want to spend his 29th birthday on the couch.  But he’s a hockey player, so he’ll probably shake it off, down a keg, and skip optional practice Wednesday.

But in case you happen to see him driving around in his truck or casually walking the streets all non-birthday-boy-like, here are some things you can throw at him while screaming “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”.

Mike Green

While Green was injured, both this and last year, Wideman was forced into the spotlight, and handled it well.  But now that the offensive-defensive superstar* is back, you would think that he could relax a bit.

Instead, Wideman has had to deal with the backlash of rotating defense partners as Dale Hunter tries to make Green, among other core members (one who rhymes with Schmarlson), work.  Since returning, Green has only one point–an assist on Jason Chimera‘s empty netter against Detroit.  Wideman in return, has seven assists in his last 11 games, including a stretch of five in a row.

Longest. strip. ever.

Plus, who wouldn’t want a lap dance from Greener?

Ultra Strength Bengay

As mentioned, Wideman has suffered a couple pucks to soft places recently; one to his foot and the other to, as my roommate once called it, his “sinep” region.

While he could probably bum some off Sir Oldy McOldOld, around this time of year everyone on the team is hurting more than usual so Knuble’s stock is probably getting low.

NBC’s Chris Gaines Documentary

Wideman is a self-professed country lover, naming Garth Brooks as one of his favorite artists.  As a true fan, he obviously loves Brooks’ alter ego, Chris Gaines.   He probably also already has Gaines’ first CD and three copies of his greatest hits.

And though Wideman should have a VHS recording of the NBC special, after years of being watched non-stop, it’s probably a lot like my Aladdin recording where the volume does that weird thing during EVERY GOOD PART.

But seriously, he needs an updated version, and if you can burn it to a DVD, all the better.

*There’s an asterisk for every “superstar” on this team right now.