2012 Washington Capitals Media Narrative Drinking Game

Posted February 21, 2012

Photo by Alena Schwarz

Watching the Caps get poleaxed by Carolina last night sure was fun, wasn’t it? But you know what’s going to be more fun? Watching the Media try to diagnose what’s wrong with the Caps, and how to fix it! Gather one and all as local media types stop writing about the Redskins and Wizards for five minutes and furrow their brows in confusion at what’s wrong with Alex Ovechkin. Watch national columnists work big ideas and buzzwords and write the easiest columns they’ll write all year. Watch internet commenters play NHL 12 with the roster and demand half the roster be traded for half of another roster!

Everyone else is having fun, so let’s have our own fun and come up with a drinking game that focuses on what main ideas and narratives the Media will throw out as to just what’s wrong with these Capitals. Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments.

(And also, you wacky kids, this is for entertainment purposes only. Please remember to always drink responsibly, and use a designated driver).

If the narrative is:

  • It’s Ovechkin’s fault! – Sip your beer
  • It’s Backstrom’s fault! – Sip your beer
  • It’s Semin’s fault! – Finish your beer
  • It’s Green’s fault! – Finish your beer, get a tattoo
  • It’s Leonsis’ fault! – Drink a glass of wine
  • It’s Jeff Schultz’ fault! – Finish your beer slowly
  • It’s Randy Edsall’s fault! – Transfer one beer to your friend
  • Fire Hunter! – Slam a Diet Coke, crush the can on your forehead
  • Fire McPhee! – Slam your beer, throw the can at Lorne Molleken
  • Take the “C” away from Ovi – Take a shot, put your arm around Chris Clark
  • “Ovi needs to be more like [Canadian Captain] X!” – Drink Molson through your eyeball, just like a tough Canadian would
  • Trade Ovechkin! – Shot of vodka, listen to dance music for 8 hours
  • Trade Semin! – Take a shot of vodka, do Chevy Chase pratfall
  • Trade Knuble! – Shot of Old Granddad
  • “Caps need to get tougher!” – Take a shot, eat the shot glass
  • “Ovi should go to optional practices!” – Five 12oz. curls
  • Boudreau is laughing/crying/eating Haagen-Dazs!” – Shot of whipped cream
  • “Ovi only cares about beating Sid!” – Drink only the head on your beer
  • “They’ve never been the same since Halak/Tampa Bay/Montreal/Pittsburgh!” – Finish four beers
  • “Trade Kuznetsov!” – Drink a case of beer